Find Your Perfect Sister Witch from Literature and History

Ever feel you are half of a whole? You’re an independent individual living your life and loving it, sure, but at the same time in want of a kindred spirit? What you crave is a sister witch to share your dreams and spells and adventures. Impossible? No!

This is the season of hunkering down, gathering together, making connections—and we are going to help you find a soulmate. Start a book club; throw a party. Huddle up with a new friend through the dark months and beyond.

Begin with these statements and agree or disagree; each one will lead to another … and to the answers that will illuminate your life. And about that book club—yes, please do start one! You may get some ideas for a reading list here …

Quiz: Please agree, disagree, and follow the go-tos until you reach your match. If told to return to the beginning, choose the scenario that best corresponds to the life of your soul. Think allegory. Think “Maybe …”

1. I think the most exciting way to get acquainted is through a secret correspondence.
   a. Yes, of course!: Go to #6.
   b. Not at all—I don’t like keeping secrets! Go to #5.
   c. If neither one of these options applies, move on to #2.
2. My love languages are spellcasting, potion-making, and intuition. I know what’s going to happen—half the time, I’m making it happen.
   a. Yep, all of those—let’s talk: Go to #7.
   b. Hm, maybe two out of three?: Go to #5.
   c. I don’t even have the dictionary for those languages: Go to #3.
3. Not going to lie, some people say I’m pretty, some that I’m not easy to look at for one reason or another. But if we just hang out a little, you won’t mind so much.
   a. Yes, nuff said: Go to #6.
   b. I feel insulted by the mere premise of this statement: Go to #8.
   c. If you refuse to make looks a big deal, move on to #4.
4. “I believe in higher powers, but I’ve been stifled by excessive religiosity.
   a. Yes, sadly: Go to #7.
   b. I wouldn’t say stifled, no—I just ignore religion: Go to #8.
   c. If neither one of these answers suits you, return to #1 and find the option that most closely captures you.
5. If I make a mistake, I also make sure I’m punished for it.
   a. Yes. It’s important to hold yourself to a high standard: Go to #6.
   b. Erm, why? There are enough punishments for things I don’t do wrong—might as well get away with as much as I can: Go to #9.
6. I might be a little too tenderhearted—but you can’t deny that the world is cruel. And beautiful. It was designed that way.
   a. You saw right into me: Go to #11.
   b. Nobody’s ever called me tender, and no one ever will: Go to #12.
7. I can’t imagine getting through life without a sister.
   a. I love the idea of being old together: Go to #11.
   b. A gal needs her sisters for sure—but sometimes it would be nice to have other friends: Go to #10.
8. If I don’t know something, I don’t pretend otherwise. But if I do know, you will hear from me.
   a. Pretty much true: Go to #9.
   b. Wait, you got part of that wrong: Go to #12.
9. My favorite activity for a meetup is
   a. Getting a tattoo: Go to H.
   b. A long walk on the beach … Oh, who am I kidding? That’s fine—if we’re taking down the patriarchy at the same time: Go to E.
10. I think the perfect time to meet up with a sister witch is
    a. A rainy night, all night: Go to B.
    b. When else? The witching hour—which isn’t midnight, as some people think; it’s between 3 and 4 a.m.: Go to F.
11. Is there anything I won’t do for a sister witch?
    a. Oh, I will cover up a murder. Or at least a death— something bad, anyway: Go to A.
    b. Everyone knows I’ll walk right out of church if anyone dares to speak out against my sister—even knowing I’ll be punished for it: Go to G.
12. When someone meets an untimely death around me, I …
    a. Feel my heart break: Go to D.
    b. Go about my normal business. I don’t owe anybody an explanation, and in fact I wonder why you’re aiming all this at me: Go to C.

Having worked our potent charm, we now present your perfect sister witch—followed by your own personality type.

A. You crave sister witch Gillian Owens—because you’re a Sally through and through. You’re gorgeous, but you almost don’t care about looks; you like facts and stability and prefer not to use magic … too much. You are always ready to take care of a sister or daughter. So you will help anyone who sets out to shed the curse that decrees any man who loves an Owens woman is doomed. That kind of dedication is what makes a sister witch. You need a bit of Gillian-style impulsiveness to keep you from getting stuck in a rut.

B. You match with Macbeth’s three weird sisters—in fact, you’re already one of them. You’re all about power through solidarity—and spellcasting, scrying, inciting murder, what have you. Forget sunset walks on the beach; for you, it’s all about wet moors and viscous pottage. You’ll have a grand time frightening the tourists. Eye of newt, anyone?

C. You are looking for Stheno and Euryale, the immortal Gorgons. You’ve met them in myth again and again, but you’re so much of a Medusa, blaming yourself for every last thing, that you haven’t realized what a great sister-witchship you have going already. You’ve known highs and lows as both beautiful Medusa and hideous Medusa, whose face turns mortals to stone. It’s just more comfortable to be with sisters who are like you, even if their names are hard to pronounce. And these two are immortal, so they’re able to do just about anything to protect you.

D. You need sister witch Franny Owens because you are such a Jet. Your irresistible hold over men is a mystery to you, and you cannot forgive yourself for some of the bad things that have happened because of you—but you know you have a lot to offer in female friendships. You need Franny to dry your tears and make sensible decisions; you know the future already, and it’s time to accept who you are. Try meeting up at the corner of The Book of Magic and Practical Magic.

E. Your sister witch is Morgause, of Le Morte d’Arthur. You are clearly a Morgan le Fay type, and the Dark Ages will never be as dark as your heart. You’ll find happiness only with another witch as adventurous as you are. As your elder sister, Morgause is here to set a sedate example of wholesome values for you. But then again, isn’t she the one who crossed the line with your half-brother King Arthur—and produced baby Mordred, who will bring down Camelot?

F. You need to meet sister witch Lauren Bell. You are an Ava Abbot, one of the Witches of Cambridge, shaking off a stifling childhood to take on the patriarchy. As innocent as you are, you’ll need a street-smart friend to guide you. Lauren is hip, opinionated, and able to find her way anywhere. Just watch her tendency to self-destruct. She needs you.

G. You are Sarah Cloyce, formerly of Salem, Massachusetts, and you will be looking for your sister witches forever… because in fact none of you are witches. Your sisters Rebecca Nurse and Mary Easty—formerly respected members of the community—were executed following an onslaught of baseless accusations. You were the only one to survive, and your greatest torment has been living without your sisters, witchcraft or no witchcraft. Moving away has made you feel you’ve landed in a loveless desert. If you change your mind about things supernatural, you might have a career as a ghost.

H. Your sister witch is Ava Abbot. You’re a bit of a Cambridge Witch already, a real Lauren Bell type—wild, a little self-destructive, and sometimes hurtful, although everything you do (or almost everything) comes from love. You have a tendency to spend too much time in dark and dangerous places, with people stronger and faster than you. Although you might get exasperated with naivete, having someone wide-eyed to protect makes you feel strong—so go find the Abbot to ring your Bell.